Coming Back...

2020 has brought us all through an emotional roller coaster and it is not even over yet. This pandemic, "murder hornets" and riots can all lead us to worry over something out of our control.

The Lord reminds us in Philippians 4:6 that we should “be anxious for nothing.” Anxiety, worry, fear they all go hand in hand. By worrying we are subconciously choosing not to trust God. We all are eventually faced with the decision in which we would choose to either live in fear or live in faith.

Fear is the very opposite of Faith, the Bible says that without faith, it is impossible to please God. Fear can be disguised in various behaviors such as excessive caution, avoiding new experiences, even excessive cleaning.

We can all do our part by washing our hands, socially distancing ourselves and sanitizing everyone and everything in sight but at the end of the day we have to allow God to do His part in protecting us.

We have to be careful not to allow our thoughts to get out of control. We must use wisdom and be balanced in our thought life. If we want to overcome anxiety we have to start by controlling our thoughts.

I constantly have to remind myself to keep my thoughts in check and keep them stable. Our minds are our battlefields and if we don’t shoot down the very first thought that displeases God we can find attitudes, irritations and if we’re not careful even sin to arise in us.

I have to confess going back to church was bittersweet for me. I loved being back to church and seeing my brothers and sisters but if I am being honest with you all I couldn’t help but feel uneasy and anxious.

My emotions were all over the place, I was excited to be back in the House of God with everyone but yet not leaving the house for the past 3 months (seriously) put me into a bit if a culture shock, who knows what's normal/safe anymore?

I am the first to admit that I am a germaphobe. The thought of germs while having young children would make me uneasy before and now with this virus, it just intensified it all the more.

One can joke, but for some of us moms our brains scan potential germ infested surfaces and it is like fire alarms going off repeatedly screaming “DANGER, PLEASE EVACUATE”.

As my toddler laid on the floor and my baby tried mouthing the chairs, those fire alarms were blaring. I decided to leave the service because they were getting restless, I couldn't pay attention and I didn't want to be a distraction.

I found myself questioning why I even bothered coming? What was the point? I couldn't get anything out of it but the Lord quickly reminded me of our song service.

Gods presence was so powerful while worshipping and praying TOGETHER. It was then, that my anxiety dissipated and tears of thankfulness just began to overflow.

My prayer has always been - God help me to be a good mother to my children and help me to set a Godly example. What kind of an example would I set if the Lord was not a priority in our lives?

I had allowed my thoughts to get the best of me but I am thankful the Lord knows my heart. I may not have controlled my thoughts the way I have liked but at least I was present. I may not have been able to greet all of my brothers and sisters but at least I was able to see them and pray for them from my seat.

This is not ideal for anyone so if you are struggling to find balance like I am.. it’s okay, take a deep breath and know that God understands. Do what you are comfortable doing for you and your family, do not allow anyone to make you feel subordinate because you want to be cautious.

After speaking with a few moms I know I wasn't alone in feeling this way and all I can say is take your time to settle in, set your boundaries and make them known and don’t be ashamed. Remember to do your part, choose to come to church and God will do His.

With Love,

The Graces